On my own...

Perception of reality aside, the perception of oneself as an adult, let alone being on one's own, is a tad overwhelming at times. You spend so much of your time living with your parents, it can be hard for some of to let go of the ingrained sense of dependence. We depend on our parents for so much, and while we forgo certain freedoms we have little to worry about. This of course depends on the type of household you grew up in. Parents often feed into this sense of dependence, or they force responsibility on you as you get older.

Yet to live on one's own. To have the freedom to do what one wishes when one wishes is an exciting idea. What one does not realize is how much responsibility comes with that. And how overwhelming that can be. The constant worry of having to make ends meet so you don't starve or end up on the street. Or worse back in your parents basement. Granted multi-generational households can and do work. Though that I believe requires mutual involvement. Not the fantasy of your parents taking care of you into old age. Such a static state does not exist.

Yet through are daily struggle to maintain a home of are own we do grow. Hopefully into a more dependent and capable adult. But I find that in most cases it is children who grudgingly do whats needed to have their freedom. Sadly this is largely society's fault. Or it in conjunction with major corporations who want us all to have the mindset of a sixteen year old. The better to control you and take your money while you slave away for them. Adults would just interfere with this.

But then what does it mean to be an adult. There's a question I am not sure I could answer. I would say a part of it is taking and owning ones responsibilities, something I have struggled with my whole life. Responsibilities suck, there alot of work. And most of the time it seems like messy work at that. It would be easier to avoid or shift the responsibilities to someone else. Yet that would deny us an opportunity to grow and perhaps get one step closer to being an adult.

All things considered, I still view myself as a kid. A kid who has had far to many responsibilities forced upon him, and rather resents having to deal with it. Trying to manage it and an uncertain future is stressful and depressing enough as it is, add in trying to raise two boys and its ... I don;t know what would be a fitting descriptive.

I see so few examples of an adult. Those that I do I admire and would like to be one. Yet I always feel like a child around them. Its hard to escape this perception of oneself so as to face another as an adult. Our perceptions of are selves can be so limiting. To overcome these limiting perceptions of self is a difficult task. One I think we owe it to ourselves to accomplish.