I potentially had a topic I was going to attempt to wade through. However due to lack of sleep and the  vagaries of life, that never happened. So I am going to let my mind vomit all over this page and see what sticks or at least sticks out.

Sleep, is an odd course in the buffet that is life. While I and many others long for more of it, it is always in short supply it seems. Also I dont want to sleep most of the time, there is always something that needs to be done or avoided. But sleep is a bit creepy as it can also be a brief glimpse of death. The death of sleep as it where. Yet when I do sleep I dont want to wake either. I loathe waking, not because of a dream I may or may not recall, its like dying all over again. Or birth perhaps. Sadly dreams or what lurks at the edges and occasional reveal itself are just a glimpse of what awaits us once we shuffle off this mortal coil.

Living is pain. Plain and simple life is pain. If its not the physical its the emotional or maybe even the mental anguish of living. Living in a world that does not respect the differences each of us carry inside and out. That does not allow for the expression of who we are in a supportive and nurturing way. Its all about conform to are ideal of what is normal,or at least acceptable. If not you will be castrated, crucified, humiliated, etc., etc., etc. Why is it so hard to accept someone different. Why is it that society will not accept anything outside its idea of what is acceptable. What of those that cannot work within those confines. And no amount of attempted adapting will work for everyone. If nothing else if they dont kill themselves they will take it out on other people.

I was that way, trying to repress everything, trying to stay out of the way and unnoticed. Didnt work very well. Now its very difficult to repress emotions and to not act out. I had a nice little container till it broke. And it is to small now for what I would want to put in there, even if it wasnt broken. I am unable to build a new one, any attempt to fails. I destroy it before it can even begin. Now its a matter of channeling those emotion into something else.

I am tired and need a nap. This may or may not happen as there is still much to do. Or is it something that can be put of till another day. I find myself drifting off as I type this.