My Best Solace

By nature, I'm not an angry person. I'm typically a very nice, extremely stressed and wittily sarcastic person. I laugh at the stupidest things, and enjoy my time with my cats, lover, and close friends.

But every once in a while, my temper's fuse is lit, and then I'm a ticking time bomb.

It's those rare moments when event after event trigger my slow to start but quick to boil temper that I truly relish. The intense feeling of anger, of too much being piled onto my shoulders, the frustration of never feeling I do enough, the unfairness of the difficulties life's thrown my way over the years... All that anger and unjust actions against me for my entire existance, come bursting forth and no one can stop it.

At those times, I find a punching bag to lay into, or a garden in extra need of work, or I pick a verbal fight over something political to purge the anger on.

I'm more productive, more invigorated, just more. I can work off of anger very similarly to how I when my needs aren't being fulfilled.

However, that isn't the only benefit of the anger outage. There is also the fact that all my pent up emotions over many things over varying lengths of time are purged as well. I let it all go with my anger, very similarly to what I do when I'm releasing through my tears.

A

What's Your Interpretation of 20 on the Wall?

Press Release For Artists of the Wall 2013 

Twenty years ago there was a wall along the lake, trash strewn about, graffiti littering the 
area, and people that were questionable harassing the passersby. 

A small group of Rogers Park residents (Keith Lord, Katie Hogan, Regina Robinson, and 
Richard Kaufman) sat on Keith Lord's back porch and came up with a brilliant idea to 
change the face of this wall; An Artists of the Wall festival. 

By cleaning up the area, painting the walls, and involving the police force in the painting, 
the negative personas that were in the area disappeared while the beautification of the 
area became apparent. 

The event has, since then, turned into a celebration of Rogers Park and it’s culturally 
diverse residents. People from all over have come to paint at Rogers Park’s Artists of the 
Wall. 

Businesses, churches, police, firefighters, lifeguards and people from age eighteen 
months to eighty years old have painted one of the 154 spaces on this 5,000 square foot 
(600 feet) wall over the past twenty years. 

The Artists of the Wall festival is a one-of-a-kind, ever-changing art project, the largest 
of its kind along the lakefront and running for twenty years, something unprecedented in 
Chicago. 

Artists of the Wall doesn't just promote both amateur and professional artists, it also 
promotes musicians by having an eclectic representation of Chicago-based bands. The 
bands and musicians that have played at Artists of the Wall have shared the stage with 
Windform, the first-of-its-kind art sculpture that was placed on city property. 

“Twenty Years on the Wall” is our theme this Father's Day weekend. For years, this 
event has defined what Father's Day is to our Rogers Park dads. In the past, fathers have 
called, happiness evident in their voices, because they finally had the day with their 
children and wanted to paint one of the spaces. 

This year is special for another reason, too. Last year, one of the artists, Terrence, died as 
a victim of gun violence in Chicago. His family contacted the Loyola Park Advisory 
Council and asked that his space be left intact this year so that they can add their story to 
his art. Terrence's death has saved the lives of six others because he was an organ donor. 

Don't forget to be at Artists of the Wall, “20 on the Wall,” this Father's Day weekend 
Saturday, June 15 to promote the beautification of our neighborhood, and taking a stand 
against violence. 

Music Stage Program

Saturday, June 15 

Noon - 12:45 pm Handyman Steel Pan 

1:15 - 2:00 pm Jeannie Tanner Quartet 

2:30 - 3:30 pm Odd Folk 

4:00 – 5:15 pm Conjúnto 

Sunday, June 16 

Noon - 12:45 pm Joe Dickinson 

1:15 – 2:00 pm Eastern Blok 

2:30 – 3:30 pm Meisha Herron 

4:00 – 5:15 pm The Pratt Cattz featuring Robert Irving 

For more information please contact: 

Katie Hogan (773) 764-9302 

Founder of Artists of the Wall Festival 

Keith Lord (312) 944-6270 

Founder of Artists of the Wall Festival 

Bill Morton (773) 850-0029 

Bill Morton Promotions- Publicist

Let’s Talk Sex: Chicago Style- By Amanda Torrey

Carol Marin is the Political Editor for the Chicago SunTimes.  I wanted a columnist from one of our major papers to be the conduit between Chicago universities and communities.  I wanted them to care about topics concerning gender and sexuality.  And I happen to love her just approach to uncomfortable topics. So, I wrote her the following knowing I’d probably never hear anything and if I did it’d be from some canned robotic response:

     What would it take for a newspaper columnist to collaborate with professors from Chicago’s world class universities and incredibly rich sex positive communities to clear away the confusion from our Gender & Sexuality Issues?My name is Amanda Torrey.  I am the Executive Director of The Deviant Minds, NFP attempting to assist the development of collaborations between Chicago’s universities with community activists.  We hope to establish reasonable attitudes towards gender, sex, intimacy, desire, etc. by creating events that ease the fear and perhaps move the perceptions of Chicagoans toward sexual topics.  This year I organized SexFest 2013 with the help of individuals from Northwestern University, Jane Addams Hull House, Center on Halsted and the Leather Archives & Museum.  In my mind Chicago is an extraordinary city whose character is partially etched from the plethora of renown academics who have built and are still building their careers here.  With an arsenal of information collected within the walls of our educational institutions, we certainly should be able to set up innovative structures for an enlightened society.  Each of us can’t help but follow our natures. There’s enough science here to prove it and enough philosophy to reason through it, so what’s the problem?

     To answer this question, Northwestern University has appointed Dr. Johanna Grisinger, lawyer and historian to be the expert of sex education.  I heard her speak for about 15 minutes during a luncheon at SexWeek and before I left she said she’d be open to discussing her participation in an event that could educate the public about reasonable approaches to sex.

     Lisa Junkin, acting director of Jane Addams Hull House collaborated with me and Sex Workers Outreach Project (SWOP) for a screening of The Scarlet Road, sex worker, Rachel Wotton’s documentary about her relationship with clients burdened with Cerebral Palsy and Muscular Dystrophy.  With us was Carrie Kaufman a person with a disability from Access Living to answer questions. People from all over the city came on Saturday night to see this screening.  Carrie said I could contact her about participating in another event to promote healthy sexual awareness.

     There was also “The Most Ecclectic Health Fair Ever” at the Center on Halsted to finish out SexFest where Veronica Lozano tabled for the Center.  Veronica has Cerebral Palsy and told me she wanted a badge that said “Hi I’m Veronica and I’m sexual” in response to people’s limited attitudes about her and her wheelchair.

     Out of the 20 tables at the fair, probably the most poignant for me was Emmaus Ministries’ table who serve unwilling male prostitutes in Boystown, many of which are reportedly victims of child abuse.  Tabling across the room facing them was Cassandra Avenatti MSW, a Social Worker from Children’s Hospital of Chicago and a member of SWOP’s board of directors.  There is a strong feminist movement reclaiming porn and prostitution that has a powerful response against slavery, diminishing choices and preventing the exercise of free-will. Cassandra got some email addresses from Emmaus which could be a productive beginning.

     Also interesting for me during this process was the heavy traffic on my website after moderate media attention.  A columnist interested in Chicagoans would quicken any process we devise.  Chicago is exactly the place to bring all its power together and quickly resolve some of these sometimes scary issues around sex.  I imagine our resources are strong enough to get past some of our perhaps medieval attitudes around being sexual and human.   What would it take to unite our city’s amazing academics, media and community to solve a festering social issue?  An annual Gay Pride Parade isn’t going to solve the problem.  I have some ideas that I’d love to share with you.  I appreciate you taking the time to read this missive and I sincerely hope to hear from you soon.

Amanda

www.thedeviantminds.org

my personal phone number

and personal email

     I found she had a corporation on-line asking for comments so I sent my letter there apologizing if she actually got it already.  She personally replied the following:

Amanda,
Thanks for this.
Have read it.
And find it interesting and important.
But the work that I do is primarily political in nature.
So would like your permission to forward this to some of my colleagues.
Best wishes, CM

She wouldn’t send me a personal note if she wasn’t serious, right?

Paint Your Interpretation of 20 on the Wall

Press Release For Artists of the Wall 2013 

Twenty years ago there was a wall along the lake, trash strewn about, graffiti littering the 
area, and people that were questionable harassing the passersby. 

A small group of Rogers Park residents (Keith Lord, Katie Hogan, Regina Robinson, and 
Richard Kaufman) sat on Keith Lord's back porch and came up with a brilliant idea to 
change the face of this wall; An Artists of the Wall festival. 

By cleaning up the area, painting the walls, and involving the police force in the painting, 
the negative personas that were in the area disappeared while the beautification of the 
area became apparent. 

The event has, since then, turned into a celebration of Rogers Park and it’s culturally 
diverse residents. People from all over have come to paint at Rogers Park’s Artists of the 
Wall. 

Businesses, churches, police, firefighters, lifeguards and people from age eighteen 
months to eighty years old have painted one of the 154 spaces on this 5,000 square foot 
(600 feet) wall over the past twenty years. 

The Artists of the Wall festival is a one-of-a-kind, ever-changing art project, the largest 
of its kind along the lakefront and running for twenty years, something unprecedented in 
Chicago. 

Artists of the Wall doesn't just promote both amateur and professional artists, it also 
promotes musicians by having an eclectic representation of Chicago-based bands. The 
bands and musicians that have played at Artists of the Wall have shared the stage with 
Windform, the first-of-its-kind art sculpture that was placed on city property. 

“Twenty Years on the Wall” is our theme this Father's Day weekend. For years, this 
event has defined what Father's Day is to our Rogers Park dads. In the past, fathers have 
called, happiness evident in their voices, because they finally had the day with their 
children and wanted to paint one of the spaces. 

This year is special for another reason, too. Last year, one of the artists, Terrence, died as 
a victim of gun violence in Chicago. His family contacted the Loyola Park Advisory 
Council and asked that his space be left intact this year so that they can add their story to 
his art. Terrence's death has saved the lives of six others because he was an organ donor. 

Don't forget to be at Artists of the Wall, “20 on the Wall,” this Father's Day weekend 
Saturday, June 15 to promote the beautification of our neighborhood, and taking a stand 
against violence. 

Music Stage Program

Saturday, June 15 

Noon - 12:45 pm Handyman Steel Pan 

1:15 - 2:00 pm Jeannie Tanner Quartet 

2:30 - 3:30 pm Odd Folk 

4:00 – 5:15 pm Conjúnto 

Sunday, June 16 

Noon - 12:45 pm Joe Dickinson 

1:15 – 2:00 pm Eastern Blok 

2:30 – 3:30 pm Meisha Herron 

4:00 – 5:15 pm The Pratt Cattz featuring Robert Irving 

For more information please contact: 

Katie Hogan (773) 764-9302 

Founder of Artists of the Wall Festival 

Keith Lord (312) 944-6270 

Founder of Artists of the Wall Festival 

Bill Morton (773) 850-0029 

Bill Morton Promotions- Publicist

Bob Greene: another victim of our resistance to moral complexity

In case you don’t know, Bob Greene, whom Time magazine had called a chronicler “for people hungry for moral clarity” was a columnist for the Chicago Tribune in the early 1980s. I had picked up the local paper and read his syndicated column while in San Diego preparing myself to give birth to the baby I was giving up for adoption.  This might be a bit heavy handed perhaps, but it does give context to understanding why my story around Bob Greene affected me so deeply.

I found I was pregnant for a third time, and didn’t know what to do considering I was already supporting two little girls whose fathers had left me stranded without financial or emotional support.  The father of this one was a married psychotherapist who sat on the board of my children’s daycare center.  I didn’t want to abort the baby but couldn’t take on another little person alone, so I decided instead for adoption.  Perhaps there was a bit of self absolution in giving away my baby as my relationship with a man married for 19 years was murky and undefined.

I had been a Latter Day Saint for 6 years and was preparing myself for ex-communication.  Through the church I found a family who had two other adopted children and would be willing to take her.  The baby’s adoptive mother and I talked on the phone for 2 hours once a week over the course of my pregnancy.  Her husband was a high school Spanish teacher and they lived in Santa Ana California.  She shared the pregnancy with me and sent me pictures of the little girl when she was 3 months and 1 year old.  They paid for the long distance calls which were expensive at that time as well as a place for me to stay in San Diego because it was too difficult adopting babies out of Illinois.  Believe it or not, giving my baby to another family is where I learned poly.

Not to get too distracted and returning to point, I was sitting on the couch reading Bob Greene in San Diego thinking about home.  This particular story was about Bob thinking ballet as an art form was stupid and boring.  I’d tossed the paper down next to me thinking the man was an absolute Philistine and wondering how such a bore could have graduated from Northwestern before deciding I’d never read him again.  I did though.  Later I read his column when he became a voice for those that can’t speak out for themselves as he began to defend abused children.  This is when Bob Greene wielded his sword and where I learned something about the power of a columnist. 

For me, it is ironic that Bob had to leave the Tribune because of a moral indiscretion.  Apparently (if I read the article right) his wife had a lingering illness at the time he succumbed to his desires for a high school coed — after her graduation.  I have a very good friend, who in fact introduced me to David, the man that eventually married me and adopted my children.  My friend is a devoted Catholic, is David’s fraternity brother and like my husband graduated from Northwestern.  He was married to a deeply disturbed woman and regrettably had to divorce her.  A few years later, he met a lovely devote Catholic whom he married, and though she had severe diabetes, bore them a child.  This man makes a good living as an executive, his wife was a nurse and they made their home on the West Coast.  The pregnancy took a toll on her and eventually she died.

I happened to be within 100 miles from his home at the 1st anniversary of her death, so he asked if I’d spend some time with him that weekend which I did.  It was then he told me that during the final year of his wife’s life, they decided he should see a prostitute.  It was hard for him to do — but he did.  It made me think of the father of the little girl I gave up for adoption. He was an East Indian.  He and his wife had 2 boys, and after 11 years, the oldest one contracted leukemia.  Their son had been in the hospital when they decided to bring him home where he could die in his own bed.  They were pioneers in the 1970s when this was illegal and before hospice, but they simply couldn’t allow their son to die alone – so they brought him home and took shifts sitting with him for his final days.  In the end, the mother broke and for the next couple of years slept in her son’s bed that he shared with his brother.  I looked much like her at the time and he succumbed to his desire for someone that could resolve his pain.

I wish instead he had seen a prostitute, and could have had the option not seemed so sleezy.

Sex is the product of an emotion — a biochemical process that defines a relationship.   It is  more often than not forged through a crisis.  Crucifying Bob Greene, or Bill Clinton, or the father of the child I had to give away is not the answer.  Yes it hurts to let go of a partner or a child with whom we’ve bonded so a healing can happen.  We really can mature as human beings and develop the generosity to allow for what may now seem closed options to extremely difficult familial problems.  To do otherwise when we have the  resources within our grasp is simply put idiocy beyond belief.

An open relationship?

Attended a discussion on open relationships. Discovered that everything covered I already knew. Sometimes one never realizes how much they may know until they sit for a discussion on it. Still it was good and well worth it. It was a challenge more in getting myself to go. One point I was tempted to turn around and head home. My social anxiety was getting the best of me.
In thinking about this though. I wonder how open I am to an open relationship. We are so set in are ways that our rut is somewhat comfortable. Bringing one or more people in would, depending on the depth of the relationship, disturb are dynamic in unforeseen ways. This could be both a good thing and a bad thing. Good in that it forces us to grow just that little bit more. Bad that are rut gets messed with.

While an open relationship, or you could say consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, even swinging is another term, is not for everyone. And should not and does not need to. But there are those of us who can not be monogamist and rather then lie to them we would prefer to be honest. Because as we know honesty is the best policy in all things.
  
I know from my talks on this subject with the wife, that she really would like to have on or two more females in our lives. While its a nice idea, I think the wife would benefit the most from this. It would allow her to explore aspects of her sexuality and identity in ways that I cant provide for her. I believe that, or know that I am ok with this. While she has played with a couple other females it has always been play and a one time thing. She could get a lot from an actual relationship.

This is another aspect of an open relationship. If we are ok with monogamy but are partner is not then what can we do to make them a happy and fulfilled person. Letting them find a play partner or something more then that, well that would be whats best for them. But is it whats best for us? It would not diminish the love they have and could strengthen the relationship. All of this of course requires much thought, introspection and communication. 

Whereas with me... I don't know if having another female in my life is something I need or want. I like the fantasy of having a threesome but then who doesn't. While I have had some opportunities to play with others I have lacked the interest. I tend to think this stems from a lack of a relationship with the other person. I seem to need an emotional investment in someone in order to be truly sexual with them. While sex isn't necessary it is fun and can be a real bonding experience. It may be that are dream for a closed triad may just be that and a V type of setup with the wife as the pivot point would be the best we could hope for.
All in all what we have is good but it lacks the ability to fulfill all are needs. Which isn't good but we also know that we are not the easiest people to be around. So it is difficult to find someone who would want to craft an enduring relationship or even just be play partners. Of course I have also found that being married and having kids really scares people off. I think I could continue as is though it wouldn't be ideal or make her happy.

This of course necessitates introspection, communication in an open and honest manner. The challenges and opportunities offered are many and varied according to each individuals current situation. Its a new experience waiting to be explored and its one that has been around far longer then would think. 

Artists of the Wall- Paint your interpretation of 20 on the Wall

Press Release For Artists of the Wall 2013 

Twenty years ago there was a wall along the lake, trash strewn about, graffiti littering the 
area, and people that were questionable harassing the passersby. 

A small group of Rogers Park residents (Keith Lord, Katie Hogan, Regina Robinson, and 
Richard Kaufman) sat on Keith Lord's back porch and came up with a brilliant idea to 
change the face of this wall; An Artists of the Wall festival. 

By cleaning up the area, painting the walls, and involving the police force in the painting, 
the negative personas that were in the area disappeared while the beautification of the 
area became apparent. 

The event has, since then, turned into a celebration of Rogers Park and it’s culturally 
diverse residents. People from all over have come to paint at Rogers Park’s Artists of the 
Wall. 

Businesses, churches, police, firefighters, lifeguards and people from age eighteen 
months to eighty years old have painted one of the 154 spaces on this 5,000 square foot 
(600 feet) wall over the past twenty years. 

The Artists of the Wall festival is a one-of-a-kind, ever-changing art project, the largest 
of its kind along the lakefront and running for twenty years, something unprecedented in 
Chicago. 

Artists of the Wall doesn't just promote both amateur and professional artists, it also 
promotes musicians by having an eclectic representation of Chicago-based bands. The 
bands and musicians that have played at Artists of the Wall have shared the stage with 
Windform, the first-of-its-kind art sculpture that was placed on city property. 

“Twenty Years on the Wall” is our theme this Father's Day weekend. For years, this 
event has defined what Father's Day is to our Rogers Park dads. In the past, fathers have 
called, happiness evident in their voices, because they finally had the day with their 
children and wanted to paint one of the spaces. 

This year is special for another reason, too. Last year, one of the artists, Terrence, died as 
a victim of gun violence in Chicago. His family contacted the Loyola Park Advisory 
Council and asked that his space be left intact this year so that they can add their story to 
his art. Terrence's death has saved the lives of six others because he was an organ donor. 

Don't forget to be at Artists of the Wall, “20 on the Wall,” this Father's Day weekend 
Saturday, June 15 to promote the beautification of our neighborhood, and taking a stand 
against violence. 

Music Stage Program

Saturday, June 15 

Noon - 12:45 pm Handyman Steel Pan 

1:15 - 2:00 pm Jeannie Tanner Quartet 

2:30 - 3:30 pm Odd Folk 

4:00 – 5:15 pm Conjúnto 

Sunday, June 16 

Noon - 12:45 pm Joe Dickinson 

1:15 – 2:00 pm Eastern Blok 

2:30 – 3:30 pm Meisha Herron 

4:00 – 5:15 pm The Pratt Cattz featuring Robert Irving 

For more information please contact: 

Katie Hogan (773) 764-9302 

Founder of Artists of the Wall Festival 

Keith Lord (312) 944-6270 

Founder of Artists of the Wall Festival 

Bill Morton (773) 850-0029 

Bill Morton Promotions- Publicist