Perceptions of age and time

I was or am supposed to be posting once a week. (Posting is also a technical term in horseback riding.) Though I do forget, which I seem to be doing with more frequency.

While I have had nothing in particular in mind to blog about, I have one thought I wish to follow and perhaps writing it out will help make more sense of it. Though I doubt this. What thought I follow is time or perhaps aging. And im sure there are better minds and writers who have discussed this on the net then me.

I am not going to attempt to go into how one perceives time or is thought to perceive it. I myself barely perceive the passage of time. Sure the day progress's from waking to sleeping, night to day and night again. This is more a peripheral perception. Living almost completely in the moment time or rather life just is. The only sense of urgency or of time passing is one that is imposed on the day by me. Chores, meals, errands, etc. Some impose their own limits on time, others we impose. Some other's impose and largely because we agree to it.

But mostly the passage of time and its effects go unnoticed. Mostly. Living in the now, and always around your family you don's clearly see the process of aging. Unless someone you don't see on a regular basis comments on how big your kids have gotten or something about ones appearance. Me I don't seem to age. I look almost the same now as I did ten years ago. Yet there are times when I notice I have ever deepening and lengthening crows feet. I notice at odd quiet and often jarring times my kids growing up. And having kids is a jarring thought in and of itself. Typically I notice this when there asleep and that they somehow seem to occupy way more space then they seemed to the other day.

Which brings to mind another thought. A fractured sense of the passing of time as it relates to other people. While there are people I have not seen in years or longer. Upon meeting them there is no sense of the passing of time. Its more like it hasn't been ten years I saw you yesterday. Its an odd perception to say the least.

I am aging and I know this. And it occurs to me at odd and random times. Most days or weeks it doesn't cross my mind. Other days I find something that I cant do that once I could. Albeit this most likely has to do with a progressing physical condition. Other times and the most prevalent thought is about the future. In are current situation we have no future, as in retirement and or financial security. And while we still have many years before this is a concern it's still a pestering thought.

The only other thing that the passage of time brings up is are own limited mortality. Despite all that I know it still freaks me out a bit. Even with a myriad of belief systems and personal experience to fall back on, it still bring forth a sense of unease. I think part of this is that I enjoy being an embodied creature, though I am not thrilled with the thought of aging beyond where I am currently. The other disturbing thought is that for my personality is not who I truly am. And once I have moved on, all of who and what I am will be subsumed by my true self. I know that many of my core personality traits are also my true self's . And that all that I have experienced and learned will aid in are evolution.Its still not a comforting thought. Actually this can get kinda of depressing.

As depressing as this may be it is easy to forget as well. Getting caught up and losing oneself in the everyday moments of life helps. I don't know if this is related to a skewed perception of time or if its something else. Most likely something else. This one's perception or more observation of the world. Has a tendency to notice in this concrete jungle all the  varied life that makes its home here. From the insects up to the birds, from the fungus to the trees. I notice it all.